


Humanity's Judgement

by SharpAttack



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Dib is honestly just so enthralled with studying humans, Gaz is just... Gaz, He/them Zim for reasons, Swap AU because why not?, and I love her for it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-12 17:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20568458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharpAttack/pseuds/SharpAttack
Summary: “Red, give him back!” A shrieking voice demands. It makes Dib’s antennae flatten under his disguise as he turns to look across the street. Dib’s eyes go wide at the sight of two extremely tall humans, one holding up some kind of green thing well the other was holding a bag of ration. Cackling at the yell.





	1. Chapter 1

Dib was still pouring over the millions of years of data of planet earth, the house was set up and the earth was just a step outside. The Irken hesitated, it’s far from the first planet they have cast judgement on. Humans will either live and join the intergalactic planetary alignment- IPA for short. Or their planet will be wiped clean with a forced disaster.   
  
But this was the first time he’s done it with more then one. His hatchmate Gaz and Tallest Membrane, their genetic donor. Sure some protocol calls for three or more to land, but this was the first time for a Tallest. Now they were meant to intergrate into three faces of society, Gaz will infiltrate High Skool, Dib will go to college and Tallest Membrane will enter the workforce as an adult.   
  
They have 80 years to cast judgement, a slightly longer then average human life for Gaz and Dib, but Membrane will leave planet at some point as a ‘death.’   
  
His disguise has been picked out and he’s entered into the computers for the local college. He has the required reading, but his squeedily spooch was acting up and his pak alerted him that his anxiety levels have gone up and suggests more medicine be given through his pak.   
  
Dib denies it, only because the medicine made him too robotic. He stands, deciding to go for a walk. His work space was private, as was the other members of the household in their ‘family.’   
  
The layout was made from multiple scans of normal human homes. He walks down the hall and then the stars, creeped out by the fake photos of them on the wall as he enter the living room. Dib notices Gaz is playing a game, a simple simulation made interactive with a controller. Very primitive but, his hatchmate seems engrossed in the game.   
  
The taller Irken doesn’t bother her as he turns his disguise and leaves to explore the neighborhood. The muggy weather was harsh and the contaminated suburbia air was harsh on his Froonflesh- Lungs was the human phrase and honestly, he liked it better.   
  
The earth was highly contaminated, the water- Even the cleanest form the humans have of it was still so filled with contaminants that it would burn his skin in high quantity.   
  
As he walks through the pathways, observing other humans in their yards or walking their companion beasts. It was all so alien and new and fresh. It’s why he decided against being a scientist, he could never stay in a lab all day on Irk or whereever they would send him.   
  
“Red, give him back!” A shrieking voice demands. It makes Dib’s antennae flatten under his disguise as he turns to look across the street. Dib’s eyes go wide at the sight of two extremely tall humans, one holding up some kind of green thing well the other was holding a bag of ration. Cackling at the yell.   
  
Next to them was a short human, he’d barely come to Dib’s shoulders if he stood next to them.   
They were trying to jump and grab the green creature. Dib doesn’t know why he walks across the street or why he risks his cover by using two of his pak legs to grab the green stuffed toy? From the human.   
  
“Taking things isn’t nice.” He says firmly, dropping the surprisngly metal toy in his hand.   
  
“Your the new kid right? You’re making a lot of enemies by helping Zim of all people.” The one dressed in a Red (hoodie) and (basketball shorts) says crossing his arms. “Their the punching bag.”   
  
“Lies!” Zim says, pointing a figure up towards the tall human Dib was talking to. Voice very prone to shrieking it seems. “Simone Hoga is no punching bag!”   
  
“Whatever, Cmon Red. Pizza should be arriving soon anyway.” The Purple dressed one, wearing similar clothes to the Red one.   
  
The two stock off, Red leans to whisper something that Dib can’t catch, but it makes the Purple one laugh.   
  
“Erm, here’s your to-” The creature is snatched from his hands.   
  
“I could have handled it myself.” Zim says opening up the green skin to show a metal base and Dib is awed to see a robot. Though simplistic and seems not to work.   
  
“Well gee, I thought it was customary to say thank you around here.” Dib says, not trying to be sarcastic, but his pak alerts him to his failure.   
  
Black eyes snap up to glare at him as Zim opens the head of the bot, kneeling on the dirty sidewalk. “Fuck off.” But Dib doesn’t take the hint as he kneels down to look at the robot.   
  
“Did you make it?”   
  
“Him, his name is Gir.” Zim mutters, shrugging off their backpack to get tools. Dib watches with curiosity as Zim fixes the bot. Primative but when it screams to life, Dib makes an ‘0’ face as it stands up to salute at it’s creator with red eyes. “Gir active sir!”   
  
“Get back in the suit Gir.” Zim orders and tosses the disguise back at the robot who somehow puts it on faster then Dib’s eyes can track.   
  
“That’s amazing! I’ve never seen that anywhere else i’ve been.” Dib can’t help but say as Zim puts away their tools.   
  
The human seems to can’t help the grin that crosses their face as they stand with a laugh, hands on their hips. “Of course! Only the great and amazing Zim can do things like this!”   
  
Dib can’t help but snort at the bombastic behavior as he stands. Zim sticks out a hand.”I am Simone Hoga, as said prior. Zim.” Dib takes their hand to shake. They had thick gloves on.   
  
“Dib.. Uh Dib Membrane. Just moved here.” Dib says, feeling awkward about saying his Tallest’s name without the honorfic.   
  
The two stare at each other after they stop shaking before Zim’s eyes narrow. “Ask the question.”   
  
“Huh?” Dib tilts his head.   
  
Zim waves a hand at themselves. “Are you a boy or a girl?” They say in a slow dumb sounding voice. “To answer it before your big dumb head has a chance to. It’s He/them.” He huffs.   
  
“Oh? Cool.” Dib says with a shrug and a tilt of his head. “I’m just a he.” He says, perhaps it was a custom he had skipped over to annouce ones preference?   
  
Zim eyes him for a few minutes before nodding, Dib’s unsure what they had been looking for. “Then it is my pleasure to grace you with my presence.” Zim looks down and then panicked look crosses their face. “Gir? Goddamn it Gir!” Zim eyes something in the distance and runs off.   
  
So far, his first interaction with humans have gone well! He tilts his head as Zim disappears. Though, he feels he needs to study more earth customs before his first day tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

The three Irkens were piled into a human vhicle called a sedan. As customary, Membrane was driving, Dib being the ‘eldest’ of Membrane’s alledged offsprings sits in ‘shotgun’ well Gaz sat in the back.   
  
“Now, this is normal for human parents to do for young offsprings. But I have noticed Dib that near adulthood humans use local transport or have their own means of it. I have alerted the IPA and they well send us another replicate human vhicle for you.”   
  
“Thank you my Talle-”   
  
“No!”   
  
Gaz even flinches when the Tallest yells, slamming on the brake infront of high skool. He points a gloved hand into Dib’s terrified face. “We must completetly cover all basis Dib. You both must call me ‘Dad.’ Like the other children do to their genetic mixed off shoots.”   
  
“Oh erm… Okay? Dad?”   
  
“Good. Now Gaz, collect as much data on growing humans well here. Farwell my young daughter.” He says bombastically as he rolls down the window to shout as Gaz leaves it with a wave.   
  
The two watch Gaz go into the building before Membrane speeds off. “Now college is where the smartest humans go after high school. See how far advanced they are in this regard Dib. It is of great importance.”   
  
Dib gulps, anxiety levels going high, he accepts the does of anxiety medicine his pak recommends this time around, feeling himself calm down near instantly, but feeling tired. “Of course my…” Membrane stares at him intently. “My Father…”   
  
“Good.”   
  
The rest of the drive was silent as they pull up to the college gate, since Dib didn’t have to park a car he didn’t need to walk across the asphalt. He leaves the car with a nod.   
  
“FARWELL MY SON!” Membrane calls before driving off. Dib waves. He turns around to people covering their face and snickering as he walks by them. But he doesn’t get far when someone grabs the protective bag cover- Made to look like a normal human backpack, that covered his pak. Making an alert pop up he trips himself up as he spins around.   
  
“Pfft! Your responses are quick!” Zim says with a cackle, looking down at the fallen irk. He holds out a hand to help him back up. “But your balance needs some work.” Dib accepts the offered hand with surprised. Shocked to see the other there, he tilts his head.   
  
“Zim? You go here?” Dib thought because of the height of the other, he’d be in a younger human learning faculity. Their black eyes narrow at him.   
  
“You better hope that wasn’t a poke at my height or I swear to god I’ll make Gir rip your nuts off.” Zim threatens. Gir pops up on Zim’s shoulder waving.   
  
“Hi Mary!” It yelled.   
  
“Oh! No, I just am surprised.” Dib rushed to say, hands up. “It’s just…”   
  
Zim waves their hand in front of Dib’s face, at the end of their brown fingers were pink painted dull claws. It reminded him of the Massive’s paint.   
  
“I like your finger paint.” He says, having not realized Zim had been on a long tiraid. He frowns but then grins. Pulling their hand back to admire their own nails.   
  
“Ah yes, I just did them last night. I got the new Deadly in Pink whole makeup set.” Zim boasts, putting their hand to their face. “ It matches my lipstick as well.”   
  
Dib tilts his head as he leans in to look, they did match. He hadn’t noticed makeup yesterday. “I don’t know much about that stuff, but it looks nice.”   
  
“Matching is very important to me.” Zim jesters to their whole outfit. Black and Pink seemed to be their colors. Black boots- with a high heel. Huh, so he didn’t imagine him taller. Black jeans and a zipper hoodie in a dark pink. Black doodles that Dib can’t spot a meaning to, but probably does have.   
  
Before he could say anything someone shouts at them. “You two are going to be late!” It was a campus security guard. Zim looked to their wrist screamed. “Argh! You distracted me DIb-stink!” They hiss, pointing a finger before pushing past him to run through the gate.   
  
Dib blinked and the pak supplied the time for him, it makes his blood pump as his anxiety rises. “Oh no!!” He starts running now. He’s going to miss orientation! His Tallest will not be pleased that he was distracted!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love seeing people drawing Zim in heels and stuff, I also love seeing him with makeup and stuff. It's fun!!


	3. Chapter 3

Dib was walking home, College had been fascinating. He had to do all the required classes for his first year and then once he completed that he would be able to pick Majors. Considering his mission, as much as his curiosity for human science and biology was. He’d take history and learn about all of humanities known wars as well as triumphs.   
  
Suddenly a car pulls in front of him, he was going to ignore it, but then he notices the color of it and when the window opened.   
  
“Walking home like a loser?” Zim asks from their pink car. Human music thrumming from it.   
  
“Well erm, my t- Dad has to work late at his new job.” A sympathetic look crosses Zim’s face briefly before they roll their eyes.   
  
“Alright, get in. Gir! Get in the back!”   
  
There’s wild sounds coming from the car, one of them a loud horn that makes Zim stick a finger in their ear.   
  
The side door opens up. Dib pauses to marvel at it but feels like he jumped out of his disguise as Zim honks the horn. “Cmon! I’ll leave without you.” He warns.   
  
Dib gets in and Zim presses a button on the wheel that lowers the door. “I need to stop at my house to drop Gir off. I know you live somewhere around my place.”   
  
“Oh uh, yeah. The old abandoned lot? We’re 42 Hitches street.” Dib says as he looks around the car. The wheel was fuzzy and the seats seemed to be animal leather. There was an odd smell in the air, not bad. Just odd. Sweet smelling.   
  
Zim snickers a bit. “42 huh? The answer to the ultimate question of life and existence.” Dib stares at them wide eyed, was this some secret the humans held?   
  
The human slowly frowns. “Argh, not a science fiction fan huh? The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?” When Dib gives them a dumb look they sigh. “Figures. No taste. Gir!”    
  
Gir leaps onto the center console “Yes my Master!?”   
  
“Grab my spare Hitchhiker’s book.”   
  
The robot opens its chest compartment and starts pulling random things out, some more disgusting then the last till a book is pulled out. A primative learning tablet.   
  
Zim Jesters to Dib and Gir drops the book in his lab. “Read it, it’s good.”   
  
They pull up into a drive way. “I’ll be right back, come on Gir!” The robot backflips out of the sky window that Dib hadn’t realized was opened. Pattering down the wind screen and after the human.   
  
Dib picks up the book with curiosity, admiring the silly cover of it before looking at Zim’s house. It was blue and grey with boxes of plants out front growing. The whole roof was a dark blue with gray dots. His glasses zero in on them and note that they gain energy from the sun.   
  
Humans are surprisingly advanced. Zim walks back out of the house in a dress and with an oddly shaped bag.   
  
He tosses the Bag in the back before going into the front seat. “Sorry, had to change for work.”   
  
“What do you do?” Dib is very curious. Zim gives him a flat look.   
  
“I walked out of the house with a violin case, what do you think?” He rolls his eyes after a moment of awkward staring, pulling out of their driveway. “Well, I guess it isn’t exact. I’m a Hip hop violinist at the Galaxy Rave. My buddy Skoodge owns it.”   
  
“Oh cool.” His pake searches for the word ‘rave.’ And finds a definition for it. Dib hums. “Never been to anything like that.”   
  
“Seriously? You live under a rock or something?” Zim rolls their eyes and there is quiet for a few seconds. Where they sigh. “Wanna go to one? I can get you in for free, this once!” Zim points a finger at Dib who gives them a wide eyed look.   
  
“Really?”   
  
“Sure. Then you can see me. The amazing Zim! Rock the club.” They cackle as they change course to go towards downtown instead of towards Dib’s base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured Zim plays stuff like Lindsey sterling and Miri Ben-Ari!


	4. Chapter 4

Zim and Dib entered through a side door in an alley by where they parked the car. They entered into a storage room filled with boxes and then out into big room with a stage against the wall and an amazing amount of equipment hanging from the ceiling. Everything was colorful except the black floor.   
  
“Oh, hey Zim.” A short fat human waves from a counter, papers on it. A kind smile on his face as he turns to look to Dib. “Oh you brought a friend?”   
  
Zim grunts, waving a hand towards Dib. “Yeah, same college. Dib Membrane.” Zim waves towards the fat human. “Iban Skoodge, everyone just calls him Skoodge.”    
  
“Hi.” Skoodge waves again, Dib does the same.   
  
“Hey.”   
  
“I told him I’d let him come hang out for free.” Zim raises a brow to see Skoodge’s reaction. The short human just nods.   
  
“That’s good, I’m glad you’re making new friends. So is Tek, she brought a friend from her high school. Usually I don’t allow it….. But her new friend is kinda scary.” Skoodge says nervously to the two.   
  
“Tek is scary, not surprising.” Zim says flatly, before turning to walk away. “I’m going to go change my makeup and talk to Tek about tonights lineup. I think I want to do Crystalinze first then move into Roundtable rival.”   
  
“Okay! It was nice meeting you Dib!” Skoodge waves them off, Dib following Zim into a hidden door which leads to a room that had a lot of seating, Zim makes their way to a big mirror that has a table and chair in front. Ornate boxes and things around.   
“You can go look around or something. I know most boys find make up ridiculous.” He says, beginning to strip off his eyelashes. Dib looked horrified, before noticing that there were eyelashes under them.   
  
“No! This is kinda interesting. I don’t know anything about it.” Dib pulls a chair up as Zim stares him down in the mirror with a frown before pulling out a damp cotton pad.   
  
“Alright. Then be quiet! Zim’s face is a canvas that must be painted JUST right!” Zim cackles as they wipe down their cheeks. Dib stays quiet watching Zim transform from what he looked like this morning to the day they met. Cleaned faced. Then carefully begun to work.   
  
Putting down a base of paint that matched their skin color, then adding a shimmery powder on top of that that made their face glow golden. Then pinks are layered above their eyes, starting with a dark pink that got lighter the higher they went. False eyelashes that where longer then normal one placed on the top and then black goop with a special brush went on the lower.   
  
Zim then opened a drew that was filled with colored tubes. This is where the human paused in their decisions. “Dib. Pick one.”   
  
“Huh? Me?”   
  
The human glares. Dib puts his hands up. “Okay, okay!” He stares into the draw eyeing all the colors in it. Most were pinks and purples. But Dib eyes one that he pulls out. It was red. “This one?”   
  
Zim snatches it from Dib to look at the color on the bottom and then opening it. Holding it near their eyes and then lips. He then nods, putting the coloring stick on their lips. Once down they do a lot of odd mouth movements that make Dib tilt his head.   
  
“Good pick. I rarely use red. But I like it.” Zim places the tube back and closes the draw just as the door opens.   
  
“Skoodge says you wanted to put Crystallize first? That’s gonna suck!” Tek complains arms crossed. She was a tall human with short black hair and brown eyes. A piercing in her forehead. But before Zim could say anything back. Dib gasps.   
  
“Gaz!?”   
  
“Dib?” Gaz replied mildly confused before crossing her arms. “Well great.”   
  
Zim and Tek look at each other, then at their new friends. “You know each other?”   
  
“We’re hatch-”   
  
“Siblings.” Gaz says easily, glaring at Dib who rubs the back of his neck at his near slip up. He was surprised, can she really blame him?   
  
The answer is yes with that glare.   
  
“Gross.” Tek says looking Dib up and down before turning back to Zim. “Listen. Roundtable get’s everyone in a dancing mood Zim. It’s a club, thats what people want.”   
  
Zim practically hisses as he stands up. “And people come here to hear my AMAZING music. I very rarely change up a nights music lineups. But I want to do Crystallize tonight!”   
  
The two stare each other down before Tek throws her hands up with an exasperated shout. “Fine! Asshole Zim always needs it their way! Cmon Gaz.” Tek walks out with her arms crossed. Gaz glaring at Dib till the door shuts behind her.   
  
“No offense, but your sister is horrifying.”   
  
“No, no. That’s fine. That’s what she wants.” Dib has his hands up chuckling nervously.   
  
“She does a good job.” Zim mutters as he pulls out a spray can and begins spraying sparkles onto his hair. “How about you go hangout at the bar. The club should open soon and you can listen to my amazing music!” Zim laughs loudly in a giddy fashion.   
  
“Sure??”


	5. Chapter 5

Dib was sitting at the bar, the room had already filled up with humans all where chatting. It was almost too much for his antennae. He feels them flatten on his head. Suddenly the lights flashed off and the sound stopped for a moment. Cool smoke filling the room as the floor lights up and then goes black again.   
  
A low ambient sound fills the entire room and then a sharp note that grows louder. The floor glows a soft pink that slowly brightens as more notes are added. A beat drops and holograms of crystals and space float through the air. A cool blue light shines on the stage, Tek in the back behind a large control like table. But Zim centar stage, back straight and arms rigid yet loose as he moves gracefully around the rounded stage. Dib watches with awe as galaxy is made with a hologram as Zim spins. The song getting faster, beats from Tek different yet working well with Zim’s music.   
  
The song slowly comes to an end and theres clapping briefly. Dib sees the smug grin on Zim’s face that quickly drops as someone yells. “We came here to dance nerd!”   
  
Dib scowls as he eyes the crowd, he spots one of the two tall humans that had taken Gir from Zim.   
  
The human on stage growls, but waves their hand. Going back into playing position. A fast pace song comes, a hard beat to back it up. Dib notices Skoodge in the background. Another instrument in hand as Zim moves quickly. Doing a lot of spins and tapping his foot to the beat. Colors flash by as quick as the musick, changing and ever growing as people start moving on the dance floor.   
  
“Humans are pretty cool.” Dib jumps at the sound of Gaz right next to him, turning to look at his hatchmate. One of her eyes were cracked open to stare at him. “Want to know what else would be cool? You not blowing our cover.”    
  
Dib pulls at his collar. Everyone was either dancing or listening to the music. “I uh, sorry. Humans have been… Super surprising? It’s just been catching me off guard.”   
  
“They remind me of Yarians from the Helios galaxy. Mammalian is what they call it on this planet. But the face painting, social structure and same kinds of evil.” Gaz closes her eyes again. She had a rare irken ability of sightless sight. Her senses were so heighten she somehow just new things without seeing or hearing.   
  
“Weren’t… The Yarians done in?” Dib asks nervously. He’s too interested by human culture to leave now of all times.   
  
“Yup.” Is all Gaz says, standing up. “I’m going to go…. ‘Dance.’” Dib watches her go and slip into the crowd as Dib contemplates that the planet wipe could happen.   
  
Gaz wouldn’t have brought that up if she hadn’t been thinking about it. It would be the first planet Dib would have to wipe. He turns to watch Zim play on that amazing instrument that he wants to learn more about.   
  
_ Or maybe more about them? _ Dib shakes the thought. He has 80 years on this planet, for such an advanced society he will probably go through the motions of dating. But Zim is more so useful as a friend.They have proven to be at least this once, letting Dib experience this… Rave.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs that are being played is crystallize first and then Roundtable rival by Lindsey Sterling, in this AU i like to make Zim the song creator! THANK Y'ALL FOR THE KIND COMMENTS <3 I LIVE FOR THEM!!


	6. Chapter 6

  
It was close to midnight. Tak was going to drive Gaz home on her vespa and Dib was going to catch a ride with Zim. It’s once they’re back in the car when Dib asks. “How long have you been practicing the violin?”   
  
Zim turns the key slowly with a thoughtful sound. “I think I started when I was ten or nine?” They shrug. “Been a long time honestly.”   
  
“That’s amazing!” Dib exclaims. All of that was pure undownloaded skills, it was spectacular. “How much time do you spend practicing?”   
  
Zim starts to drive, they go out on street where tons of party goers are waiting for ubers. “Every Monday afternoon? I have no classes on that day and no work. So thats usually my get shit done day.”   
  
“Oh? What else do you do?” Dib was curious as ever. Zim shrugs.   
  
“Usually take care of the garden, do the dishes, walk Gir and help my brother Puter with his homework- He’s smart but a bit emo.” Zim snorts a bit. “Though, I’d be emo too if I was named Computer.”   
  
“Your brother’s name is Computer?”   
  
“Yeah, I think my dad was high or something when he handed the paper to the doctor. It’s a hassle to change a name so we just call him Puter.” But Zim rolls his hand in the air as their stopped at a red light. “But I mean, my Dad’s perferred name is fucking Spork so. There is that. Only my Mom and I have respectable names!” Zim laughs as the light turns green and they slowly enter the suburbs.   
  
Dib chuckles at the name Spork and mainly at the way Zim laughs, no holds bar and full of life. “What’s your Mom’s name?”   
  
Zim’s face drops but sighs. “Ah, well you’ll probably find out eventually from word of mouth at college. My Mom’s Doctor Miyuki Hoga, the owner and head scientist at Hoga Labs.” Dib makes a surprised noise.   
  
“That’s where my dad started working today! Small world.” Dib chuckles a bit but then tilts his head. “Why did you seem so upset at the mention of her?”   
  
Zim huffs and pulls over, Dib realizes their at his house. “Get out, I have stuff I need to do.” He opens the door for Dib with the button on the steering wheel.   
  
“Oh uh, okay? Talk to you later!” Dib steps out and the car is already moving before the door shuts as he waves.   
  
“That’s weird…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peq[jfpe THANK Y'ALL FOR THE NICE COMMENTS!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what y'all think!


End file.
